The most mind-boggling activity I've always engaged with is trying to figure out what's in one's mind. It is very tiring and a complete waste of time. I am fully aware of the stupidity of my action but I can't help myself. It is just in my nature.
Once I am preoccupied with a thing, it stays with me till I decided to move on to other things much entertaining. This poses big problem for me as I am kind of paralyzed during this period. I will just keep my focus on that one thing. I was unable to engage with other fun activities (like studying! yeah, right).
The most fearsome thought I've ever had is that actually I am a person with different faces. Although it is true to the core (isn't it a fact that human is of different faces), it is still frightening. It feels as if you are not living as honest as you can be. But that is the essence of being a human. We actually put on different masks every day in our lives accordingly. I always wonder which one is my truest self.
#the writer is currently contemplating herself.
#please make duaa for the writer so that she can gather herself back.
#the writer dreams of becoming masterful in her writing but she seems to think that everything is going down the drain now, please cheer her up! (lol) *exaggerate much!
#the writer has a knack for making up new nickname for herself, she elegantly dubs herself as autumn kind *smirks prettily*
Seriously you guys are making me crazy with your antics!
Stop it already.
Hahaha, but still I am patiently waiting for the good news.
Please please please don't disappoint me.
Every week is a torture.
But I guess I am the one responsible for what I am going through.
My skull is that thick that any kind of advice were like air lalu.. (whatever i mean, haha)
Partly because of you guys too, messing with my pretty mind (there you go :P)
This is wrong on so many levels. Knowing the actions and consequences, but decided to unheed the warnings. A very stupid move!
There. I am stupid that way. (bull's eye)
When I get obsessed with a thing, I did stupid move all the time. (Lol)
Today is 'random' day for me!
Let's just be random and act foolish today.
Just for today. (yeah, right! Say it to your palm)
Fully knowing that the only person who can stop you is yourself.
I hope I have enough courage, determination to rise again.
You guys just back off for a week, okay?
Then. we can continue our foolishness! Jyeahhhhh...
#the writer is currently not in her right mind, just play along. hahaha
#the writer is delusional if she thinks that there are actually people (excluding other makhluks) reading her rants and squabbles.
#the writer is in stressful condition because of sudden invasion of her chubby and cute face with acne.
#yeah I know, the writer once again deluding herself thinking that she is chubby. She is cute, though! (hahaha, this is refreshing!)
Continued..
Selesai beli beef pocket, I wonder should I just lepaking saja dekat Costa, tapi rasa malas pula. So I went home.
Nak dijadikan cerita, dekat simpang rumah itu, tiba-tiba ada seekor anak anjing datang menghampiri dan menyalak dekat aku. Aku pun apa lagi, secara automatik kotak suara aku di'activate'kan. Maka hasilnya, keluarlah suara nyaring. HAHAHA..
Aku rasa abang, pakcik arab semua terkejut. Ada kes curi , kes cabul ke hape. Apabila kepala dah tak boleh fikir, maka berterusanlah aku menjerit. Dengan anak anjing itu pun terkejut. Itu pun dia lawan balik. Lagi kuat dia menyalak. In response, lagi kuat aku jerit.
Alhamdulillah, tiba-tiba ada makcik arab, bawab imarah keluar dari bangunan dan tolong aku halau anjing itu. Diikuti seorang abang arab yang rupanya ada dalam kereta berdekatan pun tolong aku halau anjing itu. *lamanya ambil masa nak tolong saya :(*
Cepat-cepat aku lari macam tak cukup tanah. HAHAHA.
That day was really something. I thought that it could not be any surprise. Sebab apa, itu adalah pengalaman-pengalaman yang berharga. Contohnya, bagi aku, aku tak pernah berimaginasi aku akan dapat pengalaman menjerit. Aku teringin saja nak acah-acah buat macam dalam drama, pergi lari atas bangunan, kemudian menjerit sekuat hati *ohoi, gaya macam orang tak ada iman saja*
Sebab itu bila dapat peluang menjerit, memang I give my all lah menjerit dekat anak anjing itu. Thanks la puppy jadi teman menjerit saya! Hahaha.
To experience all that is awesome.
To experience sadness, happiness, fear, all in a day was something I could ever dream of. Before, I am quite reserved with my feelings, I tend to bottle down everything, trying to be cool and act unaffected with whatever is happening to me.
But actually, by letting go of my feelings, by acknowledging my fear, making me feel so carefree. *but not that much*
Everyone has these special memories.
Treasure them well.
I want to experience many things in life. Harap saya tidak takut dan tidak malas! Hahaha, masalah terbesar itu.
And because life is very short, live well, do good and kind things to people around you, smile a lot and have faith in God.
O Allah, guide us in this temporary life. Amin.
20151214.
Selesai exam operative talk *that's right, just a fancy name for the usual oral examination* emosi agaklah tidak stabil sampai pergi membawa diri pergi ke Maadi seorang-seorang *alkisahnya tak pernah serajin begitu*.
Menyinggah Auntie Anne sebentar, gara-gara kepingin nak makan beef pocket. So, boleh bayanglah macam mana rasa hati bila diorang cakap beef pocket tak ada. Lama jugak aku belek-belek menu lain, tiba-tiba dia cakap boleh buatkan pulak. Terubatlah jugak pilu kat hati *banyak tengok korea kau ni*
Honestly, aku boleh kira berapa words yang aku cakap dengan doktor.
A full sentence pun tak lepas kut.
I wonder if this is how you should perform in an oral exam.
Aku rasa kalau pergi interview kerja, orang pun tak mahu ambil kerja! *kenapa exaggerate sangat awak*
But yes that's how I feel. Aku tak adalah totally blank out. I started badly by choosing a wrong kind of question. Galak sangat nak jawab soalan circumcision kan, hambik engkau, ditanyanya soalan luar alam. Padahal soalan dalam alam pun kau terkebil-kebil. Serius aku lupa term smegma padahal dah baca dah pun sebelum ini.
The best thing out of that incident, aku rasa first time kut aku bersenda gurau dengan Professor. The first question aku jawab saja mengikut hafalan aku, then came the second one, which as far as I remember tak ada dalam buku department. Dah terdetik dalam hati mesti dalam andro ini. Ohmaigod, I am doomed. Aku selawat banyak-banyak dalam hati, aku doa supaya Tuhan lembutkan hati Prof. I tried my hardest untuk fikirkan jawapan, in the end aku bantai juga. Itu pun terjegil biji mata Prof dengar jawapan aku, nak bunuh pesakit ke hape budak ini.
Ada satu question itu, lama sangat aku terdiam, Prof pun tiba-tiba cakap. "This topic is very difficult question, I don't know why you choose it." Aku pun apa lagi kan. Teruslah dengan nada sedih dan ala-ala coy gitu. " I don't know too doctor. I thought the questions would be easy. I thought you are going to ask about the principles of circumcision *sambil tangan aku terhayun-hayun depan Prof. Hahaha. I proceeded by saying, "Can I change the question doctor?"
And this is seriously the best outcome I could ever want. Doktor tergelak! Dan aku terkesima dalam dua saat. Terus aku pun gelak sekali dengan dia. Eh eh, lagi dia gelak pulak. Hahaha.. serius itu rasa yang sangat indah dan nyaman. Cute sangat doktor bila gelak. He seems kinder when he laughs.
For some people, maybe it's just ordinary thing that could happen to anyone else.
I know.
That is why I am extremely happy because it happened to me.
I like it the most if I could make someone laugh with the way I talk, the way I act.
I sincerely love it. :)
That is why it is very meaningful to me. It is a very precious memory that I don't want to forget. That is why I wrote it here. So I won't forget it. *it is because I have tendency to forget things! like seriously*
And we proceeded by him asking me to choose what question that I want him to ask.
The atmosphere was getting cheerful and not long after that, he finished asking me questions.
The end for part 1.
#whysomany
Hasil tangkapan hari ini yang tak seberapa sangat.
Yey! Akhirnya, berjaya jugak makan waffle aunty loulou. Alhamdulillah wa syukurillah.
Sedap aje for me.
But mesti everytime pergi, makan topping yang sama saja.
Tak berapa nak gemar mencuba benda2 lain, nak buat macam mana. B)
Bila dah pergi makan banyak2 ini, harapnya boleh recover semangat yang hilang itu
*acah2 sendu jap*
Lepas ini punya gap tak adalah jauh sangat.
Sabar deh. Kita habiskan sikit aje lagi! Hwaiting3.
And, thanks housemate ajak kita pergi makan.
Masa berbaki kat mesir pun tinggal sedikit.
Mesti akan tersangat rindu dengan bumi Mesir nanti.
Sekarang ini pun selalu sangat aku ter'baling belakang',
duk ingat kenangan waktu first year, second year. Every year lah senang cerita.
Kenangan naik train sekali dengan kambing2 pak arab, travel ke muhafazah,
gaduh dengan pakcik arab, borak dengan ammu basha and the geng,
kenangan kelas dengan Dr Tamer. *genang air mata*.
Oh ye pagi tadi, terkejut bangun tiba2 ada eye floaters!!
I totally freak out. Iyelah, tak pernah-pernah ada benda float in front of you.
When you tried to catch it, you failed. Tak freak out ke?
Aku spend 30 minit jugak lah nak tangkap benda alah itu.
Bila google pulak, antara risk nya retinal detachment in severe cases. Lagilah aku freak out.
Nasib baik lepas cakap dengan housemate, dia cakap dia pun ada.
Lega bukan aku seorang. Hahaha.
Normal rupanya ada. Untuk certain people lah.
Kan ada pulak yang argue, aku tak ada pun. *Aku pok kepala kan.* Hahaha.
Lagipun kami dulu kan short-sighted. Hokey. Tarik nafas lega, ucap alhamdulillah.
Panjang pulak cerita hari ini. ^^
Nanti kita cerita lain pulak.
Haruslah kita pergi membaca buku kan, kata nak grad, buatlah betul2. Arasso!
Till I write more. Annyeong!
Dalam hidup ini tak semua yang kita nak kita pasti dapat.
Sebab itu bukan urusan kita pun in the first place.
Bukan kita penentunya.
Kita nak begitu begini tanpa kita tahu apa itu baik atau buruk pada kita.
Kita merengek, meratap and so on for small matter sahaja pun.
Lupanya kita ini pada hakikat siapa kita.
Tak guna kalau kita hidup
tapi tak cuba menjadi sebaik, sesolehah, se'humble' manusia yang kita boleh.
Sudah-sudahlah dengan ego, dengki, and so on.
Bestnya bila tengok manusia2 sekeliling yang sangat baik, sangat pemurah dengan kasih sayang, sangat kasih pada teman-teman.
How I wish I am also that unreserved with love.
Hari ini punya mood macam roller coaster.
Tak sangka bila kita heart-to-heart dengan someone, kita discover a new side of ...
And kita amazed sangat sebab kita tak pernah tahu pun dia sangat amazing.
And it does feels like I always took ... for granted.
And kita rasa 'kecil' sangat sebab kita tak sebaik dia.
Rasa lega rupanya bila tak perlu simpan apa-apa dalam hati
bila nak bercerita.
Rasa puas sebab dapat cakap terus apa yang ada dalam hati.
Tak perlu tahan-tahan. Tak perlu fikir dalam-dalam.
It feels like I got nothing to lose by being honest.
And I don't.
Alhamdulillah selesai written exam. Both medicine and surgery.
Semoga najah semua, ameen ya rabbal alamin.
Sebab mood kita blues sikit ini malam, so ini sahaja lah kita boleh coret.
Kita pun tak adalah gemar berblues-blues ni, mungkin PMS kot. kehkehkeh
Chow lu. Annyeong!
Mana perginya semangat nak study ni?
Asal lemau sangat ni?
Brain shock kot jawab soalan semalam..
Nak nanges tapi tak ada air mata kat tear gland.
Nak vent frustration, tapi tak pandai mencarut
Bukan tak pandai, tak biasa.. haha
Tiap kali balik exam. Besok mesti sakit kepala yang extreme.
Tak boleh tidur. Pagi cramp neck muscle. Ke sebab sejuk?
Nampak tak sekarang ini laju saja menaip, padahal besok ada satu paper lagi.
Genius kan?
Orang lain mesti semua tengah sibuk pulun buku2.
Aku? *geleng kepala sajalah*
Biarlah yang semalam itu berlalu.
Looking forward is the only thing you can do.
You cannot turn back time.
Sama lah jugak sekarang ini sebenarnya kan..
Every passing seconds will not return back to you.
I guess that's the cue.
Smile prettily, you are a flower.
A girl will always be a girl, acts like a girl.
purposenya kali ini adalah sesi luahan.
sesi bercakap kosong dengan diri sendiri. :)
Today is not Monday.
And this is supposed to be done on Monday.
"I have decided not to pursue her.
The more you pursue someone,
the further you get from that person.
I think that is Love.
Will you just stay right where you are?"
-- That sweet guy next door --
I admit I am currently on my crazy side.
That's the best piece you've ever said.
Hokey. Buhbye.
Exam belum selesai.
Marilah kembali ke dunia nyata.
