Saya sayang emak.
Untuk emak, saya mahu berbuat apa pun.
I wish the best of all this world could give.
Then I become greedier.
I want you to be happy here and hereafter.
Terima kasih emak untuk segalanya.
Thank you for opening up to me.
Thank you for crying and showing me your weak side.
You remind me over and over again
that this world is not easy to live in.
That there are peope who hates you and there are fake people.
Thank you for always cooking for us.
I want to be able to treat you when I become a doctor.
Am I failing to do just that?
I want you to keep being healthy and can play with your grandchildren.
I never wanted you to leave me.
Because you are my safe harbor.
If I have you, I even thought that it is fine if I do not get married.
Because I want to keep taking care of you.
But am I already doing a lousy job at that?
Emak, thank you for always forgiving us.
Thank you for taking care of us.
And now it is time for us to take care of you.
I love you mom, forever and always
There is nothing lost in apologizing.
It makes us realize how important the other person in our life is and that we are willing to give up anything to make them happy.
Even after that they don't realize and be stubborn, we can't change them but we can change ourselves to be a better person.
You make lists in your head about what you want in a lover, like brown hair, blue eyes and a sweet voice. A sharp mind and a soft heart, a sense of humor that actually makes you laugh like you mean it. This and that.
And it's all bullshit. Complete bullshit. Because people aren't lists. At all.
And I've always wanted to be the person who made someone realize that.
I want to come across someone with a list in their head that is nothing like the person I am, and I want to show them what they didn't even know they even looking for.
People who think they know what they want are just fooling themselves.
Nobody really knows what or who they want. Not until it's right in front of them.
- Marianna Paige
HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII..
LONG TIME NO SEE. Ahhhh.. Rindunya mahu mengarut sengsorang. Biarlah ada orang baca(atau tidak sebenarnya), because this is one of the medium for me to get crazy untuk kesekian kalinya.
So, what's new?
1. I have graduated from medical school! Yey. Can't believe I've made it this far. Jadi sekarang, kerjanya saya jaga pokok bunga ros emak di rumah. Setakat ini masih hidup lagi. Tapi mungkin, mungkin lah bakal menyusuli pasu tepi yang dah kekeringan. Ha ha. Tangan saya tak hijau, nak buat macam mana. (Tapi saya siram saja ek)
2. I'm missing Egypt right now. I miss going to university, sitting and hearing lectures. I miss pillow-talking with my best buddy. I miss gossips sessions with the girls. I am bored sitting alone at home. Of course I have house chores to tend to, adik-adik yang bakal exam tahun ini which requires me to pay particular attention.
3. And, last but not likely least, today is your birthday! Happy Bornday Nur Hazirah Mohd Azlan. You are truly a gem. :) My partner in crime. Thank you for being my bestest friend. I learn a lot from you. I will always pray for your success, your happiness. Semoga cepat bertemu jodoh, cepat dapat kerja, berjaya dalam segala yang kau impikan. :') Thank you for being you.
....................................................................
//MONOLOGUE//
Is it hard to be in a long distance relationship?
Why and why would you choose to be in one?
But sometimes you can't help it.
Your job, your career needs you to be apart from each other.
Is it possible to keep the love alive when you are far away from each other?
What with the hectic schedule.
Then it all comes down to understanding and trust.
Then, it is the same as what you have said before..
If the trust is strong in each other, then isn't that is the greatest love.
1. Be soft like water.
"Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind".
"Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.
2. If you truly love life, don't waste time because time is what life is made of.
"To spend time is to pass it in a specified manner. To waste time is to expend it thoughtlessly or carelessly. We all have time to either spend or waste and it is our decision what to do with it. But once passed, it is gone forever."
3. Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.
4. Life's battles don't always go to the strongest or fastest people, but to the ones who thinks they can.
"The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus"
5. To specialize in one thing is more powerful than to try 10,000 other things.
6. There are no limits to what you can achieve. There are only plateaus, and you must go beyond them.
"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them."
7. A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.
8. If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you'll never get it done.
9. Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do.
10. Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself. Do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.
Dua tiga hari ini aku sangat sedih. Emosi aku lagaknya macam orang putus cinta.
Bangun pagi rasa sedih, tengah breakfast, dinner semua nak sedih, mandi pun nak sedih.
Tengok betapa teruknya keadaan aku kan.. ok ok, exaggerate pula rasanya.
In conclusion, there is this sadness feeling that is so overwhelming.
Dan sebenarnya aku tahu saja sebab apa aku sedih.
Tapi seakannya aku ini lumpuh, tak boleh berbuat apa-apa.
It is not that I can't, it is that maybe I refused to do so. Bahagia dalam kesedihan.
Hahaha.. jangan risau. Aku belum gila lagi.
Sebelum ini aku pernah tulis pasal kegilaan aku pada certain drama.
And my current obsession is Healer.
Sebenarnya, bila dah tengok banyak kali cerita itu, biasa saja. Normal lah, itu semua penceritaan drama, bukannya realiti.
Itulah, bercakap, menulis senang, tapi yang merasanya hati. Itulah, orang dah kata, jangan bagi makanan hati benda-benda yang lagha, yang susahnya diri sendiri juga. Padan muka (kasi penumbuk satu!)
I think (and I know it) that I am a hopelessly romantic person.
I like how the background musics really fit the scene.
And those are some sad songs. They touch that romantic side of my heart.
And without knowing, my tears flow freely whenever I heard the songs.
I am really screwed up, am I? (oh no!)
And so that is why I am so sad this past few days.
Mungkin juga sebab aku period sekarang ini.
Agak malap cahaya keimanan. Bercahayakah? *senyum sedih*
Kita ini lain daripada manusia lain. Memang lain.
Kita ini kan Muslim. Bukankah segalanya berbeza bagi kita kan?
Tujuan hidup kita pun dah berbeza, that is mengabdikan diri pada Tuhan yang satu.
That is why whatever I am doing right now, does not reflect of who I truly am, who I supposed to be.
Now I feel sad because it feels that I am so pathetic.
OK. enough for today. I just want to write something to get off this overwhelming feeling.
Time for my reflections!
For isn't that the rule, fall down seven times, stand up eight?
The true mark of a Muslim is that of infinite persistence!
Write when it rains
Write when it shines
Write on a restaurant's table mat after a boozy dinner
Write in your old book, that you know you will never read again
Write when your tears can't fall
Write when your life feels like you are rolling a boulder up a hill
Write when you want to feel, but instead you swim in emptiness
Write when your fingers are about to fall from exhaustion
Write when you find your first grey hair
Write when you are alone and trapped by your restless thoughts
Write when you are surrounded by many, yet you feel lonely
Write, Write, Write...
Write because it is the only expression of your free will
Write because it is free, because we were all born to write
Write because it takes ink and a paper and that's about it
And if there's no ink,
write with your tears, your swear, your blood
Write with your finger on the bathroom mirror after a hot shower
Write as if it's your only way out of yourself and into yourself
Write one word, write a poem, write a story, write @#$%*$#, doodle a heart, an orange
Write what others have written
Write so no one can understand, not even you
Write because you were born to do so
Write because it is your voice that the world needs to hear
Not only hear, but read; for it needs to be printed for your children and your children's children to know you; unabashingly you, shamelessly you, beautiful you
Jessica Semaan
